Inside the Actor's Studio

I have come to the realization that I will probably never be an actor despite the fact that I could easily build a sitcom based on my humor. I guess I won't be appearing on Bravo's "Inside the Actor's Studio." Nevertheless, I still want to know what it would be like, so here are the questions that James Lipton asks every episode, followed by my response.

1. What is your favorite word? - I'd have to say ESPN, wait, that is a word right? What? It's not? fine just sports then.

2. What is your least favorite word? - Probably some racist term like cracker or honky. They are just lame and never really caught on.

3. What turns you on? - Hmm probably smells, good ones of course

4. What turns you off? - Bad smells, BO, vomit, mildew, etc

5. What sound or noise do you love? - Hmm, that's a good question Mr. Lipton. I'd probably have to go with "I love LA" after a Dodgers victory. Nothing sounds better.

6. What sound or noise do you hate? - Haha, i'm seeing patterns here. I think the sound of bones breaking or some gruesome injury.

7. What is your favorite curse word? - I try not to swear that often, but I'd have to go with Wap Dego. I got it from South Park

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? - I think I could be a sports journalist, probably broadcast. Having my own radio show would probably be ideal.

9. What profession would you not like to do? - I'd probably have to go with something really boring Mr. Lipton, like a legislative analyst or something where you read all day.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? - Something simple like welcome home would be nice, but it wouldn't hurt if he went over the happy hour times as well.